I shivered.

The tears that stained your father’s t-shirt now stained my pillow.

My sobs syncing in time with my heartbeat.

Where you live.

How do you miss someone who never existed?

I can see your face.

Hear your laugh.

Feel the weight of your soft body.

I close my eyes.

I was talking to your father about you only two short days before I was diagnosed. I was so happy thinking of you.

“Let’s have another baby.” I said to him.

We were ready for you.

Life had other plans.

And so now, I hold you; in that place where all mothers hold their unborn babies.

Deep inside, where they still hear their coos and squeaks.

In that sacred place where love lives, you and I will always be.

I love you sweet child.

I love you. I love you. I love you.